I’m an empty nester now, but I don’t feel that old. I have four kids–three boys and one girl. The two oldest boys (25 and 23) are gainfully employed and living in their own apartments. The younger two are still in college: my son (20) and daughter (19). In a couple of weeks, they'll invade my clean house, inducing feelings of excitement, love, annoyance and anger.
So many emotions surround motherhood.
This sums up the personalities perfectly: Max (the loyal nurturer), Annabelle (the one-and-only pissy missy), Daniel (the indifferent sugar addict), Thomas (the loud extrovert)
I remember, as an early mother, hearing other moms say some version of this statement: “Motherhood is the most amazing, rewarding thing in the entire universe! I love my child so much, I never thought I could love something this much!”
I’d scratch my head, wondering, What’s the matter with me? Why does it feel HARD? And, is it normal to sometimes not like your child, even when you love them? My nickname for my precious baby girl, shortly after she came out of the womb, was “pissy missy” because she would let us all know when she wasn’t pleased.
From broken bones, sleepless nights, developmental delays, too many activities and SO MUCH NOISE, I thought, When they get older, things will settle…
Then I had teenagers. Game over. Please give me a set of infant triplets and lack of sleep any day over reckless teenage boys. I still have PTSD when I hear my phone ring after I go to sleep. Will that ever go away?
From broken curfews, drugs and alcohol, depression, police, congenital medical diagnosis and a long road ahead, I thought, Dig deep, Lina. This is the most important thing you will do in your life. You can do this.
Here we are now…we’ve climbed Mount Everest together and survived. I feel like we’re at the top of the mountain, looking at the view, high-fiving each other. And because it was so hard at times, it made it so much more rewarding. The view is better. How much could you see if you just walked up an easy hill? We’re all closer because we experienced these difficult times together and it gave us perspective and compassion. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
My wise self knows that I might not be at the top of my mountain, that I am still on a journey, and I don’t know if I’m just at basecamp, refueling for the next climb. But for now, I’m enjoying the view. ☺
Xoxo,
Lina