Motherhood: The Climb, The Chaos, The View

I’m an empty nester now, but I don’t feel that old. I have four kids–three boys and one girl. The two oldest boys (25 and 23) are gainfully employed and living in their own apartments. The younger two are still in college: my son (20) and daughter (19). In a couple of weeks, they'll invade my clean house, inducing feelings of excitement, love, annoyance and anger.

So many emotions surround motherhood.

Three young boys and a baby wearing blue matching pajamas sit together on a striped sofa in front of a decorative screen.

This sums up the personalities perfectly: Max (the loyal nurturer), Annabelle (the one-and-only pissy missy), Daniel (the indifferent sugar addict), Thomas (the loud extrovert)

I remember, as an early mother, hearing other moms say some version of this statement: “Motherhood is the most amazing, rewarding thing in the entire universe! I love my child so much, I never thought I could love something this much!”

Four children standing together in front of a stone wall.

I’d scratch my head, wondering, What’s the matter with me? Why does it feel HARD? And, is it normal to sometimes not like your child, even when you love them? My nickname for my precious baby girl, shortly after she came out of the womb, was “pissy missy” because she would let us all know when she wasn’t pleased.

A smiling family of six—a father, a mother, and four children—posing together outdoors in a sun-dappled backyard or garden.

From broken bones, sleepless nights, developmental delays, too many activities and SO MUCH NOISE, I thought, When they get older, things will settle…

A group of six people posing for a photo in front of a scenic mountain range under a clear blue sky.

Then I had teenagers. Game over. Please give me a set of infant triplets and lack of sleep any day over reckless teenage boys. I still have PTSD when I hear my phone ring after I go to sleep. Will that ever go away?

Four young people sitting together outdoors on a stone ledge in a park-like setting with greenery and trees.

From broken curfews, drugs and alcohol, depression, police, congenital medical diagnosis and a long road ahead, I thought, Dig deep, Lina. This is the most important thing you will do in your life. You can do this.

Four young people sitting together on a brick-tiled staircase; a woman in a pink dress and three young men in button-down shirts.

Here we are now…we’ve climbed Mount Everest together and survived. I feel like we’re at the top of the mountain, looking at the view, high-fiving each other. And because it was so hard at times, it made it so much more rewarding. The view is better. How much could you see if you just walked up an easy hill? We’re all closer because we experienced these difficult times together and it gave us perspective and compassion. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Four young people standing together on a beach at dusk, with the ocean waves and soft coastal light in the background.

My wise self knows that I might not be at the top of my mountain, that I am still on a journey, and I don’t know if I’m just at basecamp, refueling for the next climb. But for now, I’m enjoying the view. ☺

Xoxo,
Lina

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This sums up the personalities perfectly: Max (the loyal nurturer), Annabelle (the one-and-only pissy missy), Daniel (the indifferent sugar addict), Thomas (the loud extrovert)